Archive for the ‘cancer’ Category

Ten years later

It was ten years ago tonight that I had that cancerous tumor removed from my colon. The tumor that got so friendly with my left ovary and fallopian that they were excised as well. Casually reading over posts from years past I see a lot has happened and much has changed. Bear with me, some of this is old news, but I like lists.

  • broke up with Todd, who is still like a brother to me
  • my dad died (Feb. 4, 2010)
  • met and married Chris Anzalone (and took his last name) - in April we’ll celebrate our 6th anniversary
  • Chris went to rehab for alcohol
  • my cat, Lucy, died (Oct. 2011)
  • started getting migraines
  • Chris and I adopted two big adult boy cats at the ARL, Mr. Tibbs and Carew
  • my brother, Michael, got married
  • I started flying down to Nashville approximately 4x year as my mom’s health wavered
  • my BFF Mel got married in Philly to a fantastic fella, Jules
  • Todd moved to San Francisco and the band is no more
  • started taking annual vacations abroad with Chris (Paris, Madrid + Barcelona, Milan + Lake Como)
  • leased a Smart Car, had it for 2.5 years and then traded in for an electric Smart Car (the first one was named Buster, so the 2nd one’s name is Buster II, Electric Boogaloo)
  • my mom died (May 24, 2016)
  • held a memorial for mom in Nashville in September
  • I’ve gained about 50 pounds - clearly don’t go to the gym like I used to
  • finally got to see Duran Duran after all these years thanks to my best friend Melissa’s husband, Jules
  • Zack came back into my life when Todd got an allergic girlfriend

That’s all I can think of at this moment. When tallied as such, it doesn’t seem like a lot has happened, but there are some big events in that list. I’m a very different person than I was ten years ago, but mostly it doesn’t show on the outside. My attitude remains the same - always look at the bright side.

4 years later

Wow.  Writing that title just hit home; it’s been FOUR YEARS since I had surgery to remove my tumor.  It feels like a lifetime ago.  My life has changed so much since then that this one feels like a new life.

Valentine’s Day, 2007.  It was a Wednesday, if I recall correctly.  My friend Steve kindly drove me to the gynecological surgeon in the morning and … I won’t rehash it all again.  If you want to know what happened you can go back to the first few entries.

What’s strange is that now it all feels like it was a dream.  A bad dream, granted, but as with so much of the past, the clarity of my memories is fading.  (That, coupled with the chemo which affected my short-term memory, natch.)  On the rare occasions I go back and read this blog I can’t believe that the things I wrote actually happened to me.  I’m continuing my maintenance (I have my yearly colonoscopy next week and I will soon schedule another mammogram), but these are the only tangible things that remind me I had cancer.

Right now things are good.  Really good.

Chris and I are engaged.  I’ve just bought the tickets for our honeymoon in Italy (early May- so excited!!!).  Now we just need to figure out a date to do the deed with a Justice of the Peace.  Yes, we have our priorities straight.

The band had a great residency at Toad in January and we’re going to do it again in April.  Because it’s Toad we’ve been playing a stripped down acoustic set with mandolin and violin and tambourine and shaker - it’s been great and feels like a rebirth, of sorts.  We’re also finally getting to work finishing up the recording we started before I got sick.  RIGHT?!?  Crazy.  We’re just thrilled to get our songs on CD and let the world hear it.

I’ve never cared much for New Year’s Resolutions, but I figured one out for myself this year that I dig.  Discipline.  Work on being more disciplined.  This applies to everything, from writing back to people promptly to reading more in general, from getting to work on time (a problem for me) to working out daily.  Everything takes time, of course, so the blog-writing portion of my discipline is only slowly coming together, but I won’t give up.  Baby steps.

Happy Valentine’s Day.  <3

cancer lite

Strange, but I feel like I had cancer lite, or maybe The Little C.  Yes, I was in serious pain.  Yes, I had emergency surgery and had a cancerous tumor removed from my colon.   Yes, the tumor was so bad it involved my left ovary and left fallopian tube so they were removed as well.   Yes, they took out 19 lymph nodes, all of which were cancerous.  Yes, I had six months of chemotherapy.  Cancer lite, why would I feel that way?

I blame pop culture in general.  I’ve read (or heard, I can’t remember which.  It was either The Week or NPR) that romantic comedies are ruining people’s expectations about love and finding a soul mate.  I’m finding something similar with cancer and realize I didn’t follow the script.

In fiction, people with cancer or some life-threatening disease usually have an epiphany of some kind.  Something in their behavior then changes radically and they live a richer life because their illness, whether they “conquer” it or not.  I had no such epiphanies.  I had no “awakening.”  I didn’t seek out alternative treatment methods. I barely got nauseous.  I did lose my appetite and considered marijuana, but never did it.

I didn’t have the hair loss associated with most chemo.  Granted my hair didn’t grow during those 6 months, but it didn’t fall out.  That coupled with little weight loss made me appear not sick.  And I didn’t act like I was sick, mostly.  Did I not take it all seriously enough? As far as I know it never metastasized, so it was under Stage 4 (no one referred to my cancer in terms of stages, or if they did, I don’t remember it, thank you chemo-related short-term memory loss).   I mean, I know it could come back at any time considering it was like a bolt out of the blue to begin with, but … but so what.  Is it just me?

colonoscopy no. 2

Had my second colonoscopy last month (pretty sure I’ll be getting one annually for the foreseeable future) and it was a most delightful little romp.

Yes, I’m kidding, but not entirely.  If you’ve ever had one yourself or read my entry about my first colonoscopy, you know the worst part is the prep.  My test was scheduled for the Tuesday after MLK (Mon)Day - yes, the day after the snow sculptures and my morning spin w/JoJo!! -  so I couldn’t eat all day.   AT 7pm Monday night I had to drink a bottle and a half of magnesium citrate.  What followed was an endless series of trips to the bathroom.

The next bottle and a half of magnesium citrate is to be drunk 5 hours before your test.  Mine was scheduled for 7:30am, so after some napping (interrupted by so many potty breaks it’s hard to call what I did “sleep”) I got up at 2:30am to finish my dose.  More endless trips to the potty.  [Word to the wise, if you’re lying down, you’re in the midst of this prep,  and you feel like you have some gas to release, don’t fart.  It’s not just gas.]

My dear Chris wakes up and drove me to the hospital at 6:30 even though he’d only returned from his gig Monday night at 3am.  What a champ.

Mine was the first appointment of the day so the waiting room was empty.  Colonoscopies don’t take very long, so once I was settled in, Chris commandeered a small couch for himself.  Now I’ll skip to the funny parts.

Cut to exam room.  First of all, the nurse and I are riffing on some 70’s thing or other and she says “you’re too young to know that!”  Hello?  She’s in front of the computer screen displaying my vitals.  She can see exactly how old I am.  I remind her my age and she says she misread the screen and  “wow, you look so young!”  I should be used to this, but I still love being identified as 10 years younger than I am.   For some reason it hasn’t lost its charm.

What they administer for a colonoscopy is called waking anesthesia.   My nurse explained this to me more clearly this time; what the drug does is disrupt your short term memory.  Essentially they give you a rufi.    They gave Roofie a rufi.  As the drug starts kicking in I’m feeling very relaxed and happy.  The last thing I remember my nurse or doctor saying is something about how I did a good job with my prep.  Woo hoo!!

I regain consciousness  as the nurse is wheeling me into the recovery room.   She’s singing “I’m so glad we had this time together…”  I’m all, “Just to have a laugh or sing a song….. Wait.   Why are you singing that?!  Isn’t that Carol Burnett?”  The nurse tells me she’s singing it because I was singing it.  During the exam. (!!!)  Well I’ll be damned.  I have a faint glimmer of a memory of doing so and realize I, ever the comedienne, was making light of what was going on.  Which is to say I was joking about how the time flew by while they maneuvered a camera-equipped rod up my ass and it’d likely be another year till I saw them again.  Bright side indeed.

As I’m giggling about that and she lets me know I can’t leave till I fart.  A lot of air goes up the colon during the exam you need to release it.   A few minutes go by and I’m making some noise and resting comfortably.  They wheel another patient past me and into the recovery room next door.  I hear them explain again the need to pass gas and the fella asks about smell.  His nurse lets him know it won’t smell - if it did the nurses would have a very hard time working that corridor.  She walks down the hall and moments later I hear him let a loud one rip.  I start losing it as I start imagining the entire hallway lined w/unlit, curtain-separated cubbies all issuing forth the brass section.  Awesome.

When it’s time for me to leave, it’s only 9 or so in the morning.  I woozily get dressed and am led to the now-full waiting room to find Chris curled up on his little sofa fast asleep.  He comes to startled to find so many people have materialized all around him and is suddenly rather self-conscious.  He described himself as feeling like a hobo - the only thing missing being a blanket made of newspapers.  We make our way out of the hospital’s labyrinth to go home and go back to sleep.

health update

Had another PET scan and the results look good. My oncologist, Dr. Jain, doesn’t think I need another scan for 6 months, which is a huge relief. The plan had been to get one every 3 months. Yikes. I didn’t used to mind them so much, but now…? The fatty contrast liquid they have me drink 3 hours prior to exam time makes me gag to even think about. It comes in a dark grey pull-top travel shampoo container and it’s like drinking wintergreen flavored Wesson oil. Readers of my blog know I am not a vomiter, but man, this time I came so-so-so-close.

It was a good thing I decided to take the day off, even though my exam was done and I was out of the hospital by 11am. I’ve always had a sensitive stomach; this intensified everything. I got a lot of reading done in my bathroom that day…. yeah, WOO.

Speaking of which, Dr. Jain also wants me to get another colonoscopy fairly soon. No one told me getting cancer would be this much fun!! Who needs amusement parks and roller coasters? Who needs caramel apples and hot dogs? And I’ve had my blood taken so often I don’t even flinch or wince when they stick me with the needle. I am hardcore, yo. HARD-CORE.

the ‘c’ word? etc,…

Some updates:

I didn’t audition to teach group exercise at my gym. I realized I was overburdening myself. I was feeling supremely half-assed about my routine and my presentation; the whole enchilada. Nothing worse than going into a situation like that and not being confident, especially when you’re trying to motivate people to get excited about jumping around.

So I bagged it and plan to possibly audition this Fall.

That show with SuperGenius didn’t happen. Due to the new management/ownership (not sure which) of the club, the night, as Mike put it, shifted underneath them. There will be a show, though. I’ll post the date as soon as it’s confirmed.

bruise laterThe bruise on my left knee died down mostly. The included picture is from last week at my desk at work. I wanted to show the slow progression. Now it’s a mere shadow of its former self and I have a big ugly friend for it on my right calf that I got from my scooter. No, not from falling but from closing it up and accidentally letting it fall against my calf. Didn’t hurt so much when it happened, but the bruise has certainly lasted a while. I had others, too, so I was referring to my legs as BruiseFest 2008.

My biggest recent news (and best) was last Wednesday when a nurse from BIDMC called me to schedule my port removal. Could I come in either 9am or 12pm on Friday? So soon?! Uh, yeah, OK, I’ll take the nooner. I thought, hells yeah, I can take Friday off after our show at TOAD on Thursday. We were going on late, so, perfect!

I didn’t, however, consider the fact that if I couldn’t take aspirin or anything because of its blood thinning effects, I would not be able to drink, either. Eff! Not a single shot, nary a beer nor mixed drink, nor a lovely glass of wine. NOTHING to take the nervousness of performing away.

Well. That was an interesting realization.

All in all the show went very well. I’ll have it all better organized next time. I didn’t know Thursday night was a 2am night at TOAD. [And the hits keep comin’!! ] Seriously, though, I think we all had a great time, I know I had a blast playing with our seven (yes, 7) piece band on and around that teensy stage. It was great to again have the opportunity to play with all the guys in Phil’s band, that is, Nate, Jefferson and Joe Klompus.

Not to mention we had a great crowd. It was a very attentive listening audience. I fear my lack of calming fluid allowed me to insert too much of my “babble filler” between songs. Totally unnecessary and silly. This is something I am working against all the time, honestly. I have this overwhelming need to make sure everyone in the room is comfortable or something, the constant diplomat or ambassador or whatever, and it’s stupid. People don’t come to our shows to hear my useless offhand comments. The chorus in our song “Where We Left Off” is about that, actually. “Silence so they say, words a breath away, I will hold it in, I’ll find my way.”

ANYhoo, the audience was gracious and friendly and awesome despite my awkward verbal fumbling between songs.

No sleep till Brooklyn, that is to say 3AM, but I didn’t have to be at the hospital till 11:30. My friend Terri drove me, which was a huge relief and meant I’d get to spend some quality time with her. Since it only took about 30 minutes to get that device out of me I was able to show her the room on the 9th floor where I got all my chemotherapy drugs infused. She told me it depressed her to think of me in there. I said not to worry, it’s all over. And I’m a lucky, lucky, LUCKY girl. In fact, she’s one of the reasons for this. All of my friends make me feel incredibly lucky and happy. I do need to say, though, there’s something about TerTer. (And JoJo, too, actually. I could write at LEAST one full blog entry about each of them….) It’s as though we were destined and meant to meet and be in each other’s lives.

After the hospital we stopped by Terri’s place in Central Square - finally. We’ve known each other for… 2 or 3 years now and I’d never been there. Really only got to see the first floor and her office in the basement, but I was very impressed. Great space, layout and decor.

Next, we gathered up her neighbor and friend, Johanna, and went to Sound Bites. You can prolly guess what I ordered - thank goodness they serve breakfast till 3pm there! They each wanted to get some plants and things, so we went to Mahoney’s in Winchester. I got some cool, color-saturated and trippy close-up flower shots w/my cellphone camera. Then to my favorite part of the day, I got us each a cupcake and we played Scattergories at my place for a couple hours. It was fantastic. I had forgotten how wonderful and hilarious that game is/can be. It was a blast.

Of course, it was a long-ass day. I watched my Ghost Whisperer season finale (gripping!) and headed over to the Gearan’s place to babysit till 2am. That’s right. But I didn’t go to the gym all weekend because though I felt no pain during the removal procedure, the area was incredibly (enormously!) sore and throbbing. No way I was gonna do decline push-ups, jumping jacks, dancey step class moves or lift weights. I took it easy. And I decided not to feel guilty about it.

Do you want to know anything about the procedure? Only 30 minutes? What did they do? Well, they gave me a painful shot to numb the area and then cut in. Yes, local anesthesia, not general. I couldn’t see much; breathing on it would invite the possibility of infection and it didn’t occur to me to ask for a mirror. Would have helped, I bet.

At one point I did feel some pain along with the pressure so the doctor gave me another shot and all was well. He didn’t let me keep the device. Evidently the hospital considers it biohazardous material. This occurred to me beforehand, but I had to ask.

I’d forgotten my real camera, so I took a cellphone picture. Because of its low resolution this blog won’t accept it. Snobby blog.

Finishing chemo last September was the biggest hurtle or mile marker in this “battle,” but it must be said that despite the brevity of the procedure, having this last vestige of my cancer removed feels like a big deal.

what makes you happy?

Today is Valentine’s Day.

One year ago today we were getting a bit of a blizzard in Boston.

One year ago tonight I was having surgery to remove what turned out to be a cancerous tumor on my colon. Happy Anniversary to me!!

I feel a sense of real accomplishment that I made it through last year and feel so strong and healthy. And I’d like to extend a humongous THANK YOU to everyone who reached out to me and helped me in that difficult time. You know who you are, I hope. And a special thank you to Todd. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be where I am today without him.

In keeping with the name of this blog (and in staying true to myself), I’ve written a lot about the things that make me happy. Things that I enjoy doing, seeing, hearing, even smelling. The list is so long it makes me wonder what it is that makes me unhappy, actually. I find it curious to feel down or sad in general. This is different from being upset or pissed off about something specific, or feeling sad for a loss of some kind.

But sometimes I wake up and my mood is low. Maybe it’s so bad I don’t want to get out of bed. Do you have those days? Doesn’t everyone? So what do you do?

One of my ‘tricks’ is to try to focus on a goal for the day, something I wanted to accomplish and that will give me impetus to up and atom.

Other times the very idea that I have no obligations that day, that the next 12 hours or so are ALL MINE is enough. Of course, I’ll then get up, make my coffee, and make a list. Or check the list that’s already in play and see what I want to do next. I’m not much for lying idle. Which can be a handicap if all I really want to do is lie around reading. My mind will fight with itself saying that’s not actually doing anything, but it is. IT IS, dammit.

But I feel very fortunate. I am able to find enormous pleasure and joy in the smallest things. I feel that I somehow allow things to give me joy that might otherwise go unnoticed.

What do I mean? Well, there are the many various things I’ve mentioned before like singing, laughing (my top two favorite things to do ever), fun pens, stationery, perfume, hiking, riding my bike, riding my scooter, frisbee, bowling, reading, talking with friends, playing games, god the list goes on…. Those are all fairly normal, though, run-of-the-mill pleasures. What about the others?

Since lists also make me happy, I’ll make a list of other, less obvious and more specific things that make me happy:

  • That moment I notice it’s snowing out. My heart still skips a beat every single time.
  • When I witness a random act of kindness on the street or the subway or a restaurant. Warms my heart.
  • Watching birds fly in their flocks and shift direction. It must be so amazing to fly. I love it when they look like they’re dropping, or dive bombing, then swoop and fly upwards.
  • Feeling like I couldn’t possibly do one more rep of an exercise, but doing it anyway.
  • Looking at maps, whether or not I’m using them to find my way, maps can be absolutely enchanting to me.
  • Writing a song - there’s no feeling of accomplishment quite like it.
  • How when I’m walking or riding the bus, the way the scenery takes on the mood of the music I’m listening to, so it’s like I’m watching a movie with a soundtrack.
  • When I read a line or a paragraph in a book that’s so right on that I am compelled to read it aloud, whether I’m alone or not.
  • Certain specific songs, for sure, but also specific moments in songs that may only be 3 seconds long, but that I am excited for and can’t wait to hear and sing along or gesticulate with. (This one could be a blog entry all its own. Maybe it will be.)
  • The ability to fit everything into my freezer even when it seems there’s no way it’ll all get in there.
  • Managing to get everything done I wanted to in a day.
  • Playing along with Says You and The Will Shortz Game on NPR.
  • Walking home just as people are turning on the lights in their houses and I can see inside a little bit. Could be the voyeur in me, but I just love seeing how other people decorate.
  • Miniature versions of full-size products, all kinds. You name it.
  • Clean laundry - everything about it.
  • Crazy Japanese characters like Domokun and Mashimaro, mashimaro 1 toilet mashimaroamong many, many others. Domokun’s description is so hilarious, it says “Domokun is a big square of a monster who loves to watch TV, but can’t shut his mouth.” Does his mouth being open mean he can’t shut up so he can’t hear the TV? Otherwise why would they mention the two things that seemingly have nothing to do with each other? This tickles me like you can’t believe. domokun
  • Finding the perfect harmony part.
  • Watching the clouds as I do sit ups in class. I always try to get a spot by the window. Actually, clouds clouds clouds. I love them. A completely cloudless day bugs me. Seriously bugs me.
  • When Lucy sees a birdie outside the window and does that rat-a-tat-tat nyahk nyahk mrow-mrow thing. It’s so weird - I love it!
  • Storms and the smell of rain.

What makes you happy?

no g’news is good g’news

with Gary Gnu!!

This morning I finally met with my Oncologist, Dr. Jain, and his assistant Dr. Elizabeth Buchbinder. No dread because I knew the most they’d do to me was take blood. Which they did at the end and did so to check the level of something in my blood that would indicate …. man, I don’t know. But they wanted to make sure the levels hadn’t risen. I try to pay attention, I’m now thinking I ought to write more down.

After my vitals I sat down with Beth and we talked. This was more them checking in with me than the other way around. She asked if I’d been nauseous, dizzy, any stomach aches, numbness in my fingers or toes, and as usual I said no, no, no and no. I stopped taking the nausea medication they gave me long before I finished chemotherapy. I honestly forgot to take it because I didn’t feel sick. Said it before and I’ll surely say it again, but how did I get so lucky?

Once Dr. Jain came in we discussed what to expect in the future. I made an appointment for another PET Scan in March and a week later another meeting with the docs to discuss. At that point we can talk about removing the porta-cath. I’m fine with this. The port is unsightly and once in a while I bump it and hurt myself, but I’d prefer to leave it in as long as necessary. The thought of surgery to remove it is one thing, but there’s always a possibility of recurrence and slight as that chance is, I’d rather not have to have more surgery to put another in.

Dr. Jain wants to see me every three months for the next two years. It’s so strange to me to think ahead that far. With most cancer they say you’re in the clear (for the most part) after five years. Wow. I still can’t believe this all happened, you wanna know the truth. It’s very surreal. When I got to the hospital one of the receptionists said to me, “I know you, right? You look familiar.” I said, “Yeah, I had six months of chemotherapy here.” “OH, yeah. Hi.” Funny, I mean, I only finished at the end of August.

I’m supposed to call them if anything comes up before the three months out appointment. Dr. Jain saw my vitals and said he wants me to gain weight. HA, yeah, right. Not planning on that and told him so. Didn’t tell him the weight on the chart was with all my winter clothes on, including my boots. Mostly he just doesn’t want me to start losing weight rapidly, but I would see that as a sign of something dangerous, too, so we’re on the same page.

I had to go to work afterwards and was slammed from 12:30PM on, which certainly made the day fly. Beth called me around 2 to let me know my blood came back with levels of whatever they were looking for even lower than last time. Good news all around.

white weekend

Yes, white, as in snow. Mostly white, that is. It’s getting pretty slushy and dirty right now, but we got a big snowstorm up here on Thursday. My office closed at 2PM, even (said in the voice of Snagglepuss), which doesn’t happen very often. We’ve had all manner of “disaster” in my office and haven’t closed. We’ve been burdened with bizarre floods due to pipes bursting and the like and kept the office open, despite the real possibility of getting sick from mold, etc,…

Figures, too, that I had just recorded the outgoing holiday message for Christmas. Closing early meant I had to record another message over that one and re-record the Xmas msg on Friday. But that’s a small price to pay; I’ll take what I can get regarding closing early.

Went home to eat a little bit and then back out to the gym to lift weights and do double spin. Yee-haw! There’s a special joy to be had riding an indoor cycle and sweating like a maniac whilst watching snow fall outside. Beauty. And there was also a certain pleasure to be had watching cars get stuck. Schadenfraude.

By Friday the snow had been cleared from the streets and the office was open. I made my way over to Beth Israel for my last meeting of 2007 with my Oncologist. Was running late for my 9AM appointment, thanks to T delays (the green line is an embarrassment in my eyes) and slush avoidance, but the nurse/receptionist told me Dr. Jain was running late, too. He wouldn’t be in till 10:30. Go have some breakfast and come back, she suggested. Honey, I had oatmeal before I left and I have to get to work. Even if he were to arrive when she said, no way he’d see me right at 10:30. So I rescheduled. And went to work. My last day and then a week’s vacation.

The gym was closed that night for their holiday party so I got home and immediately got on my trainer. Forty minutes of that, quick shower and a relaxing me’vening. Made myself some pasta and watched my guilty pleasure, Ghost Whisperer, and then a Sopranos. I’m finally watching the 2nd part of the last season via Netflix. Nice.

So, Saturday was bitter cold. I don’t think I even stepped outside until I left for the show at the Lizard at just before 7. I slept late for me (9 or so), did laundry, did a workout at home using resistance bands, did my vocal warm-up, put together stuff for the gig and still somehow let time get ahead of me enough that I had to rush out the door to catch my bus to the venue. Dur. There seem to be some unalterable personality traits, don’t there? I am a putterer. It’s way way WAY too easy for me to waste time. I’d win a wasting time contest. And a procrastinating contest. Maybe I should organize one of those. … I’ll do it later.

Show, the show, how’d the show go? It went great, actually. Got there with plenty of time to relax beforehand. I ordered my sliders, a shot of jager and chilled with Phil, Frank, Tahaney and Joe. Once Todd arrived we did a little harmony rehearsing in the back room. Then we went on at 9:30PM sharp.

I want to thank all of my gym girlfriends who came out. It was fantastic to see such a great turnout, and they brought friends, too! Jo, Deborah, Jenn, Terri, thank you all! My clinical nurse from BIDMC, Sue, came to the show, too! She brought three friends! It was so great to see her, especially not at the hospital. HA. She’s so awesome - her bright, pretty, smiling face and upbeat attitude really helped me through my treatments. I liked her the moment I met her; we just hit it off right away.

The band did a tremendous job, they dressed so nicely!! and the performance felt just about right on. Of course, I’m my own biggest critic and a bit of a perfectionist, so I’ll always find things that need improvement. Considering we had only ONE rehearsal, this show was a real achievement. I didn’t feel nervous, which may have something to do with the jager, but it didn’t hurt that I’ve been a lot more diligent about preparation. Not feeling nervous was amazing. I was able to pay close attention to the reactions of the audience and tune in to both sides of the dial, as it were.

We had some time at the end, so Todd and I did a cover. It went well, if I do say so myself. There was a moment of … I’m not sure what to call it. We started the song and people were having their conversations in spots in the room, which is fine and perfectly understandable. But as we got into the 2nd verse there was a change in the room. Suddenly it was like every-single-person-in-the-room was with us. It was fucking amazing. It was palpable and I was so moved it was like an out of body experience. The words kept coming out of my mouth, but I didn’t even feel like I was the one singing. There is nothing in this world that can match that feeling and I am now determined to feel it again. And again. It was like… the room reached ecstacy, but in the calmest, most serene sense.

I’ve had that feeling before here and there. When Todd and I would busk in Harvard Square there were times we had a nice big group watching/listening and that unity seemed to happen. Especially when we’d do Angel by Sarah McLachlan. In any case, I am now addicted. This could be my new drug.

My apologies for no pictures - my camera died recently and I’ve been meaning to either get it fixed or get a new one. It was such a good show I do wish I had photos…. OH and the snow waited till about midnight or so to start to fall again.


I spent the rest of my weekend as I’d antipated; I got a lot done and worked out and watched New England knock the wind out of Buffalo. As it turns out I worked out a little harder than I thought. I did my run/walk then worked on my legs with weights, you know, lunges, squats, etc,… Well, let me tell you, yesterday I was in no small amount of pain. I was making ouchie noises when I got up, when I sat down, when I walked around. It was bad.

I wasn’t sure I should even go to spin last night, but I know active recovery is best so I went. Things were going fine despite my legs being stubbornly stiff. Tra la la, tra la la… Nearing the end of class we move into a sprint and *SPANG* I get a charlie horse in my calf !!!! The pain was incredible and my calf throbbed like it was attached to electricity. I pulled my foot out of the clip and massaged my leg for a minute, then got right back into it. What else could I do?

Worked on upper body afterwards and went home knowing today was going to have to be an off-day, no running. So now I’m off by a full week, but my goal is still in my sights. All day today my legs and butt have still been killing me.

To add insult to injury I had to have my port flushed this afternoon. Not like it’s a terrible inconvenience, just annoying. And a little bit painful.

One good thing, my friend, and work IT specialist, Skip, came over after work and helped me re-set up the bike trainer he’d recommended I get. Yes, re-set up. I did it all by myself over a month ago and things didn’t seem right; I knew I’d effed it up somehow. So now I’ll be able to ride anytime at home, which is most excellent. Thank you, Skip!