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Boston’s local free paper, The Metro, has horoscopes. On the occasion that I’m in the copy room at work and helping out with the crossword I see these horoscopes as they’re next to the crossword. I don’t put a lot of stock in the accuracy of astrology, but it amuses me endlessly and I’ve noticed that The Metro’s forecasts are usually pretty right on.

That said, here’s today’s Leo description:

Don’t ruin things for everyone else.

Is it just me, or does that read more like a parental admonishment than a horoscope. What the hell? Just what are you insinuating, Metro?

I’m a yogurt eater and a yogurt lover.  Yeah, you heard me.  I love yogurt and always have.   (No thank you Jamie Lee Curtis and your commercials for Activia.  I grew up knowing about acidophilus thanks to my favorite southern milk, Purity Sweet Acidophilus, so mnah!)

I adore yogurt, but not the thick Greek style, the normal thin low-fat kind.  Definitely not non-fat, either.  Runny much?  And don’t be handing me no Yoplait or Columbo crap, they’re too sweet.  I want my corn syrup in my candy where I can see it and feel it, not otherwise healthy things, you get me?  The best brands I’ve found are Stonyfield Farm and Trader Joe’s.  Oh so good.  My favorite thing to do is take plain yogurt and mix it with preserves.

This time of the year is the best because it’s pumpkin butter season.  Mix up summadat with the plain yogurt and you got yourself a delicious and healthy pumpkin pie alternative.  Hellzyeah!  Trader Joe’s has a nice pumpkin butter, too.

Don’t get me started on Trader Joe’s.  Their organic preserves are to die for; delectable and seemingly indulgent.  Their kettle corn is perfect, their dried mango is heavenly and has become an addiction, and there’s always 3 buck chuck.  I’m almost always surprised by how little it all cost me when I get to the register, which is quite welcome.

I’m just sayin’ is all.

When I was six years old the commercial for the horror movie It’s Alive was on TV every five seconds. I was entranced by the slowly turning bassinet and the building suspense of the voice-over before claws emerged over the cradle’s side.  Seeing that scared the shit out of me; my adrenaline raced and I loved it.  I HAD to see that movie.

Fortunately my friend Grace Ann’s mom was stupid permissive, or maybe just stupid, and took us to see it.  Ever since, I’ve been obsessed with scary movies.  The Shining, Poltergeist, The Exorcist, The Birds, Psycho, Friday the 13th, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, you name it, I saw it.

Throughout high school my friends and I rented every horror film the video store had.  We appreciated them all from the frightening to the cheesy and hokey, from the budgeted to the low/no-budget, from Last House on the Left to Black Christmas, from The Evil Dead to Evil Dead II and even The Brood and Freaks, whatever we could get our hands on.  The blood, gore, cheap effects, drearily awful soundtracks and tremendously hilariously bad dialogue made for uproarious sleepovers.

I still love horror films and being scared.  Scream was a good horror flick.  What Lies Beneath was amazing and goosed screams out of me more than once.  It helped that I watched it all alone in the freakin’ suburbs.  The Mothman Prophecies was haunting and spooky and cool.  Final Destination was good fun and the third one was actually pretty awesome.  The Blair Witch Project?  Meh.  I don’t know, it didn’t do anything for me and I really wanted it to.  Oddly (or not) the last scary movie to have a lasting effect on me was The Ring.  It creeped me right the fuck out and when I think back to that girl coming out of the television I still get a pit in my stomach and feel cold in my legs.

So here’s my conundrum.  I’m torn to pieces about seeing Paranormal Activity.  The bits I’ve seen are compelling and creepy and it looks like it could be seriously, devastatingly scary.  I HAVE to see that movie.  But frankly, I’m afraid it might have repercussions I can’t control, especially considering it takes place in a house, mostly the bedroom.  Maybe one of the reasons The Blair Witch Project didn’t do it for me had something to do with the fact that they were in the woods.  I don’t camp out, so it didn’t apply to me.  I do, however, sleep.  Inside a house.  In a bedroom.

What to do….